“When we talk about artistic freedom in this country, we sometimes lose sight of the fact that freedom is often dependent on adequate financing”, Frank Zappa, Playboy Interview, April 1993
Happiness is a Warm Bike Frame
After undergoing both the good and bad elements of DIYing our previous three CDs, we’re tickled silver to announce that we’ll be releasing our 4th full-length CD in Fall 2002 on Two Sheds Music , an Atlanta-based indie label w/ tons of integrity and an artist-centric business policy; in other words, cigar smoke, coke mirrors, spread sheets, and piranha aquariums are not required office accessories. The Two Sheds roster brims w/ various friends and comrades, and we already feel at home. We have a working title for the CD, it’s on a fierce training regimen to build up its strength to withstand critical stabs, barbs, slings, arrows, and sucker punches.
Incandescent Strobe Flash, Exhibit One
Setting: 3d5spd’s rehearsal space, strewn with blackened vacuum cleaners, discarded tape reels, motorcycle helmets, amps, drums, synths, guitars, treasure maps, old Jackson Five & Sesame Street 45s, and candy wrappers. Dr. Coyote Zen, the band’s personal trainer, medical malpractice tech, chef, and conflict intensifier, is leading Chris, Joie, Justin, and Sean through a draining regimen of wall-walking and ceiling-crawling. “No, no, no, between the beats, not on top of them,” he yells, as the band attempts to choreograph their movements in tai-chi mode to Hendrix’s “If 6 was 9,” blasting from a taxidermied polar bear w/ boom box encased in its furry skull. “Take the pain, people,” Dr. Zen barks. Donning protective goggles and yellow spandex, the band begins to practice their set for the upcoming benefit Genitalia for Emasculated Extraterrestrials while Dr. Zen scans them into his hologram conversion unit.
Incandescent Strobe Flash, Exhibit Two
Martian and Venusian eunuchs slither approvingly as 3d5spd literally rocks the house, courtesy of Dr. Zen’s patented molecular transposition module, the walls and bleachers of the stadium swaying and dissolving into shifting geometric densities. Unbeknownst to the asexual aliens, the haphazardly coiffed quartet performing onstage is actually a high resolution hologram of the band blended with vintage video of Quiet Riot, Ratt, and The Banana Splits. During the 4-hour encore, Chris, Joie, Justin, and Sean weave their way through the dank cellar beneath the arena and emerge in the grimy parking lot. Among the sun ships and space cruisers they find a particularly retro-futurist vehicle covered with weathered Baby on Board stickers and flourescent orange plaid algae. They sneak on, strap in, and take off as the strains of the counterfeit 3d5spd’s slow-core rendition of Flirting with Disaster fills the air.
Incandescent Strobe Flash, Exhibit Three
Dr. Zen shades his eyes and tracks the receding glow of the pirated rocket in the star-less sky. He smiles and whispers melodramatically to the miniaturized clone of himself that he keeps in his lab coat pocket: “So far, what I’ve taught 3d5spd has served them well, though who knows what they’ll encounter as they search the universe for the Mother of All Music Except For Polkas, Light Rock, and 70s Cop Show Themes…” to be continued.